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25 In deliberation
In this part you listen to the album:
This is for the whites in your eyes by Choir of Young Believers
Very slowly, a black cloud began to form over my euphoric thoughts. Was this the right time indeed? Did I want this now? Could I seduce this now so vulnerable woman and make her mine? Would her feelings for me then be real or driven by clinging to a lie? And was this the way for me to make her mine?
“I’m sorry Juanita, through your story I couldn’t restrain myself. But I don’t want to take advantage of your situation now.” My hands were on her upper arms and my arms stretched to distance her.
I shook my head. “No, not now, not this way. As much as I would like it. I am sure that with all the emotions of the day, the hassle with Carlos and my good intentions, your vision is now blurred. And I don’t want to take advantage of that.”
I released her as she met me looking with a dazed look. “But, but …”
She put her hands over her eyes and started to cry.
I gently guided her to the armchair and let her sit.
“Listen honey, I think there is an opportunity for us. I just want to wait with that until you are back in a more stable situation. In addition, you know absolutely nothing about me, you have no idea how I live my life. Let’s get to know each other better before we decide to enter into a more intimate relationship. What I did just now was not smart of me, but you see, that’s what being a human being is even to me. I also make mistakes.”
All this time she had been sitting with her hands over her eyes. Now she looked up and started outraged. “Was it a mistake I longed for you?”
“No, girl, of course that is not a fault, only the moment was not right. But I mainly blame that on myself. I got carried away in your story. I saw something in your eyes that I could only answer at that moment by kissing you. I’m sorry.”
She looked at me angrily, “Are you sorry? You’re sorry? I … I …” The tears welled in her eyes and she got up.
The temperature in the library dropped well below freezing. “I’ll call a taxi and I’m gone.”
Fifteen minutes later I was standing on the landing while I stared at the red taillights of the car.
“You did well again, Miss Delgado. Fantastic as you did this. You lost her before you had her,” I muttered to myself.
Angrily I closed the door behind me and entered the library.
I stopped at the entrance. What now?
Something had never left me.
I looked to the left and stared at the lamp on the display cabinet. That woman who had stood there all these years and never revealed her secret.
I stepped over to the box and bent down to unplug the cord from the outlet. I got up, picked up the lamp, and went to the desk. The key rang against her buttocks.
I put the lamp on the desk and turned on the desk lamp.
I walked to the other display cabinet behind the door and from the lamp with the figure of father I took the keys that were still hiding on his back in his hands.
Trembling with excitement, with the keys in my hand, I walked around the door to the other display cabinet. I couldn’t stop my hands from trembling and I put the keys on the cabinet. I turned around and looked for my wine glass. Where did I put that damn thing?
Oh yes, I had put it on the floor when I wanted to kiss Juanita. Stupid action, I now thought. I shouldn’t have been carried away like this. That is not my style. Get yourself together again, Miss Delgado. Regain control. If my parents…
My thoughts started racing again.
My parents had noticed something was wrong with me after Victoria left. The second morning after Vicki and I had that tumultuous night, there was a soft knock on the door of my room.
I had been staring out the window after finding Vicki’s bed was un-slept in, again. Where could she be now?
Again there was a knock, a little louder.
“Come in.” I turned to see who entered.
“Dito, we need to talk, I think.” Father hesitantly entered my room. I looked surprised. What was he doing here? He never entered my room. And certainly not to talk to me. What did he know or suspect? Did I feel like having any conversation about this? Did I want to talk to him?
He looked at me seriously. I went to sit on my bed and sighed.
“What is it?” I raised my head and looked at him.
He cleared his throat and after looking at me for a moment his eyes scanned the room for a place to focus. He ended up just looking out the window.
“Dito, I think … no, Mommy and I think that, ehhh that …” that surly man was quite shaken by the angry, determined look that I kept giving him.
“Well, uh, we feel like you feel a little more for Vicki than, uh, an ordinary friendship.” He looked at me again.
“That must be over and done!!”
He turned and closed the door behind him, leaving me bewildered.
Wow, so this is what a dialogue with my father looked like!! If it hadn’t been so deeply sad I would have pissed my pants with laughter. casino şirketleri
Had I now treated Juanita as my father had done to me at the time? Had I given her the opportunity to tell her side of the story?
I shook my head, no I didn’t. I wanted to protect her from myself because she had been so vulnerable just now. I didn’t want to take advantage of the situation and … and…
I felt tears well up in my eyes. I didn’t want to hurt her, not like that, not now. After picking up the bottle and the wine glass I went back to the display cabinet.
I was thinking about what happened tonight. What Juanita had looked like, how comfortable she was. How she had unwittingly built up a tension with me. A tension that eventually led to a shocking kiss.
No, not the kiss, but her reaction, no my reaction…I put the bottle and the glass on the cupboard and dropped to the floor, holding my hands over my eyes.
Think, Dito, think.
I got up and left the library. Under the stairs I opened the door to the wine cellar. I turned on the light so that a soft glow lit the stairs to the basement, then went down the wooden stairs. The steps creaked with every step I took. At the bottom of the stairs, in the dark, I searched for the switch.
Two pear-shaped lights lit the hundreds of bottles neatly placed in the racks on either side of the passage. The smell of stale wine from the broken bottles here, combined with the somewhat musty smell of dust, filled my nostrils.
I didn’t look up, left the bottles untouched and walked to the back of the basement. Against the back wall was a slightly smaller rack in terms of size. There were only a few bottles in it. A handle was attached to the wood on the left side of the rack.
After putting my arm in the rack and hearing the dry click I knew so well, I pulled the handle and the rack opened the wall.
Without bothering to turn on the light, I walked through the secret “door” to the right where there was a black chest of drawers. I opened the third drawer by touch and took a grip.
With the precious things in my hand, I closed the entrance again and walked back up.
The feeling of loss, disappointment, but especially of unfulfilled desires had to disappear.
Tomorrow I would address Juanita. Maybe we should have dinner at Chittie’s.
I pulled the cord of my leather corset and it slowly slid open. In the library I kicked off my shoes and yanked the button on my pants.
In front of the fireplace, I squeezed myself with one hand out of the corset and with bare breasts I looked into the fireplace.
I felt the chains in my left hand.
I tried to take off my pants with my right hand. It took some effort, but they finally gave in and slid along my calves onto the floor.
I stood naked in front of the fire, an orange glow reflected on my skin.
The heat from the fireplace at this distance was enough to heat my body inside and out. I hung the ends of two chains on a hook attached to the mantelpiece.
I had one more chain in my hand. There was a clamp of about two centimeters on both sides. I leaned forward, making sure I kept enough distance from the fire not to set my hair on fire, and looked at the white hair that neatly trimmed my pussy’s surface.
I put my middle finger in my mouth and thought about Juanita. I wanted her. I lowered my finger down the middle of my abdomen, gently pressing on my clitoris.
I stood there with my eyes closed and turned and pressed and squeezed and pulled my clit until I felt myself getting wet. I let go and opened my left hand.
I took a clamp in my hand and opened it.
With two fingers of my other hand I pushed open my slit and pulled out one of the inner lips so that it touched my labia majora. Held together by my thumb and index finger, I placed the clip over it.
I gently increased the tension on my lips. When I released the clip, I shivered for a moment but quickly concentrated on the other side. The tension on the soft flesh was overwhelming and I had to catch my breath before I could continue my quest.
I grabbed one of the chains on the mantelpiece and was a bit surprised at how hot they had gotten. Undisturbed, however, I continued. This I had to do! I had to escape this emotional trap.
The clip on the other end of the chain burned in my hand. However, it didn’t stop me from opening it and without much ado I let it go on my right nipple. I made a jump that tightened the chain and pulled hard on my nipple. Tears shot into my eyes. I took the other clamp more carefully and suddenly felt my labia pulsating.
Softly I pushed myself from the mantelpiece and with a scream I suddenly hung from my nipples on the mantelpiece.
Not too much Dito, softly now, otherwise you’ll come free. I let my left hand go down under my breasts over my stomach while I put the nails of my right hand into the flesh of my right breast. Then I found my clit and my whole body focused on achieving an orgasm. Meanwhile, my mind’s eye filled with the image of Juanita.
By casino firmaları the force of the orgasm I pulled myself from the clamps and fell back on the fireplace rug, trembling and shivering.
26 In a dream
In this part you will listen to:
Close watch -Agnes Obel,
Protection – Massive Attack,
Close watch – Mathilde Santing,
Infidelity – Skunk Anansie,
Close watch – John Cale
The sun was shining and I was walking alone through the park. A cloud passed over the sun and I looked up. I had almost reached the lake when I saw someone running towards me.
“Dito, DITO, wait, WAIT!!” I peered at the running figure. Suddenly I recognized that long dark hair, that body. She approached now and was wearing her black bathing suit. Her wet hair stuck to Maria Guadeloupe’s face. She was so close now that I could see the welts on her buttocks that had come from Father’s belt. My father, whom I heard in the distance say that it must be over. I heard Maria scream.
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!! You turned me into a submissive DYKE.” She spat at me!
I tried to stop her. But she jumped into the pool behind me. I wanted to go after her, but my feet weighed like lead.
I looked down and saw under my bikini that Charlize was in front of me with her arms wrapped around my knees in her maid uniform. The skirt was up and I looked at her bare buttocks.
“Non, non Madame, don’t leave, stay with me, with your own Chèrie.” She looked at me desperately.
I struggled to walk to the pool but when I turned around it was gone.
Instead, Xochitl’s restaurant was there. The door was closed. In front of the restaurant, a girl, I thought I recognized, was sitting at a table. I beckoned to her and she came in a fast pace towards me with a grimace on her face. I tried to figure out where I had seen that face before. But that turned out not to be necessary.
“If you take a hitchhiker with you again, and she says she’s homeless, don’t dump her on the side of the road when you cum on her hand.” She squeezed my breasts, hard and rough and poked a finger into the fabric of my bikini panties. I groaned and closed my eyes.
When I opened them again she was gone. I turned to Charlize, but she too had disappeared.
Instead, Vicki stood in front of me in her black catsuit. Her nipples looked even bigger and stood straight ahead like fingers pointing at me. Her crotch was soaking wet and a stream of horny fluids gushed out. I looked at her.
“What the fuck did you do Dito?”
I suddenly felt like a little girl and wanted to run away from her. But she grabbed me and put my buttocks up on Father’s desk. I felt her hands caress my bare cheeks.
Swat, Swat, her hands hit me on the inside of my thighs and I involuntarily spread my legs. I felt two fingers slide in. She bent over me with her protruding nipples hitting my back.
In my ear she whispered:
“You…” her fingers dug deeper.
“Will…” they were jerked back.
“Never…” harder now her fingers pierced my cunt,
“Ever …” after which they were pulled back roughly.
“Do…” aaaww, two more fingers were inserted, I felt her thumb against my pucker.
“This…” I groaned and gritted my teeth as her hand was pulled back.
“Again …” the hand came back at lightning speed, and her thumb shot into my anus,
“Do …” and get out again.
“You …” And even harder in again.
“Understand…” Suddenly I felt her whole hand in my pussy.
She turned her hand, so she could rub my g-spot with three fingers. I desperately looked around for help.
Xochitl stood in the doorway of her restaurant and shook her head.
I came shaking and screaming.
I shivered in the dark, the fire was glowing but was no longer warm.
With a soft gulping sound I pulled my hand out of my sore aching crotch. After which I carefully removed a clip from my labia, the other clip dangled between my thighs.
I got my clothes together and walked out of the library, upstairs to my bedroom.
27 In the office
In this section you will listen to:
Brainticket part 1 and part 1 (Conclusion) by Brainticket
The morning passed painfully slowly. A part of it was my own fault. Very much against my routine, when I arrived at the office this morning, I had closed the door of the archive softly. In order to avoid unnecessary noise, I had taken off my shoes and walked barefoot to my desk.
I was a wreck, had a splitting headache and my crotch burned like hell. When I finally looked at the clock, it was almost ten. I had been sitting with my hands in front of my eyes and had only had two coffees.
I still felt sick, but the urge to go to the toilet was greater. I put on my shoes and stood up carefully.
Fortunately, the hall was empty and I reached the toilet without meeting anyone. I hadn’t seen Juanita when I entered, nor heard her voice coming from the sales department.
My head thumped. With güvenilir casino every heartbeat I felt the blood go into my brain. My god, what had I done? How was I supposed to face her? The toilet was occupied. I stood in the hall and looked out the window while waiting.
The sun was shining. Not that I thought that was important now, it was more of a statement. A cat was sitting under a tree. He played with a ball of wool. At least…
The ball of wool had legs and a tail. Every time he wanted to run off, the cat hit his paw on the tail of the mouse to stop him. The game continued while the toilet was released and someone I didn’t recognize exited. I turned around and went inside.
When I got out of the toilet I again peered through the window. The cat had disappeared and there was no trace of the mouse.
“Hm, hm.” Without turning around, I knew who it was. Carlos came over to me.
“How did it go yesterday? Was Juanita able to contribute?”
I kept looking at the tree, did I see something moving there under that root? The mouse crept up gently and I couldn’t hide a smile.
“Yes, it looks good and she was a great help to me.” I turned to him. “I want to finish a few things today and would appreciate it if you would send her to me just now. So that we have the last one… Well, you know, never mind, I’ll walk over to her myself.”
I started to walk away from him. “Oh, this afternoon I will need Juanita for a while and since we picked up our own work this morning, I will take her with me again,” I said over my shoulder.
Without waiting for his answer I walked to the sales unit.
Okay Dito, now turn words into action and explain to her what went wrong yesterday. My head thumped less and I already felt a little better.
When I entered, five pairs of eyes focused on me. Juanita was in the back, and I walked decisively to her desk. The others returned to their work. Juanita had given me a surly look all this time. I leaned over her desk. She lowered her eyes and I whispered: “Come with me, we have some unfinished business to discuss.”
“I do not think so,” was her answer, as she got a blush on her cheeks.
“You’re going with me now,” I hissed at her. “and if you want to make a scene, that’s fine with me. I think Carlos would be happy with that, too.”
She cringed at me mentioning his name and turned scarlet.
“You can spit your bile in the archive. Now come!”
I saw her eyes getting watery, but she got up. I turned and walked past the desks without seeing if she was following me. I felt some strange eyes sting in my back and turned around.
A girl sat staring at me behind one of the desks. I smiled at her and when she realized that I was looking at her, she quickly looked back at her screen as if she had been caught. Juanita arrived at that moment and looked at the girl who was now looking at her. Juanita shook her head very slightly and waited for me to walk on.
“Are you ready?” I asked as casually as if I hadn’t noticed the non-verbal communication between the two.
I looked at her. Only now did I see that she was still wearing the dress from yesterday. She nodded.
I walked into the hall and went straight to the archive. I stopped at the door, and after Juanita entered, I closed it.
She had already walked to the chair in front of my desk and sat down. I could tell she was tense from her whole demeanor, and I walked around the desk.
She nodded and bit her lower lip.
“Dito?” She looked at me as I turned on the coffee maker and sat down.
“Tell me, Nita.” Shaken by the abbreviation of her name, she looked at me in surprise. I gave her an encouraging smile, but said nothing.
“Um … yesterday I was … well, I … I …”
I reached behind and picked up a box of tissues. She started crying loudly. I walked over to her with the tissues.
“I … didn’t want… to… do … like this… at all…” She got up to walk away but didn’t know where to go because I stood in front of her. She sobbed, falling back into her chair. I squatted next to her and holding the box of tissues next to me, I pulled out a few.
Her mascara started to run and I gently wiped the black from her face. When she had calmed down a bit, I gave her another tissue and brushed her hair back.
She looked at me and I couldn’t control myself and kissed her cheek as I slowly got up. “I think we both had a bad feeling about it. I can tell you that at least I did not sleep well.”
I tried to smile at her. She looked at me sadly.
“I didn’t sleep either, I felt so bad and … and …” For a moment it seemed as if she would be crying again, but she pulled herself together.
“Dito,” she now started in a more firm voice. “I got carried away yesterday as well. I reacted hastily and too loudly when you had been so good to me. I was so happy with the attention you gave me yesterday and… and… I was so pleased that you wanted to listen to me and save me from Carlos.”
I put my hand on her bare shoulder as if to reassure her. She felt warm and soft. I rubbed her shoulder for a moment but she put her cheek on my hand to hold it. That’s how I stood there. I started stroking her hair with my other hand.
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