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It felt weird missing something he didn’t even know he missed. The sun had finally fought its’ way through the enemy swarm of dark clouds that unleashed their fury on the sleepy Iowa town. To his delight the rays of golden light brought forth thoughts of things that could happen, and better yet the ensuing trip to a zoo in a few days elicited a wave of excitement.

A sudden glance around the dining room told him all was well. The couple behind him were enjoying their lunch while engaging in some light conversation that lead to soft laughter. Mariachi music filled the other emptiness from the blue tooth speakers. It did not fil that small empty cavern in his heart though, as he looked back at the couple and realized he wished to have that spark with someone.

Not that he didn’t feel that spark currently. The major problem with his current situation was that he was interested in one who was not interested with him. Of course it hurt, especially since she claimed it was his age that meant they could not be together. This was simply something out of his control. Had it been his weight, or the length of his now flowing locks, or even his full beard- these are all things that could be changed. But age, age was an opponent he had no way of competing with. There was no way of changing his age to be older or her age to bring her younger though she looked nowhere near her actual age. He had been defeated before even getting in the ring. With a sigh on that thought, he went back to wiping down his table.

This was an unsettling feeling. He had been alone now for almost a year. The two prior relationships were disasters in their own right. The first had been with a married woman who turned insane on him. Sure he shouldn’t have been involved in the first place but she felt emotionally safe. Since she was married there were no real expectations to conflict the pure animalistic urges each felt for the other. It was supposed to be a fling nothing more. Of course things never work out as they should and low and behold the death of the relationship left him scarred even more so than before in more ways than one.

That was of course the real first time he had let his guard down since “The One” threw his heart into a blended destroying it forever. She had been beautiful beyond anyone he had ever fallen for and it truly felt as if they were each-others counterpart. He wished to explore every aspect of life with her, to be completely lost in her eyes and heart, and fulfill every one of her desires. Never before had he felt for a woman what he felt for her.

The very last girl he had dated was one of his best friends. And while they made good friends they were not compatible for anything more. The conflicts they faced were emotional and personal. They clashed in every aspect of a relationship life. Money views were different, religious views were worlds apart, even the aspects of a sex life were counter-productive. For him a healthy sex life was at least 4 to 5 times a week. In their eight months together they had sex twice.

Of course his sickness probably had a lot to do with it. His body rejected all forms of touching at times. But there were also the emotional pulls as well. He felt forced into saying things that should have just flowed naturally. He didn’t feel the flow of love, but the strain of trying to swim upstream. To make matters worse his kids, and rest of his family for that matter, really cared about her. But one can only pretend for so long. Sadly he broke her heart despite both people being unhappy.

All of these thoughts flooded his head as he robotically wiped down table after table. The mundane task was completed with minimal effort and even less passion. What he wouldn’t give to feel passion in his life, and even more feel it returned. Yes the crazy girl kept messaging him but he had given her his heart only to have it smashed into smithereens before. He knew that song and dance and did not wish to replay it. His friend still hung out with him and it at times felt too familiar. He didn’t have those feelings for her even if she did for him. Not to mention the voices in his own head telling him how ugly he was and how he had nothing to offer anyone which is why he was alone. The hand moved automatically in the motions of cleaning while the mind went endlessly into these thoughts.

A bolt of lightning suddenly shook his mind. No this was not an actual shockwave, but defiantly a thought breaker. He had felt this wave before, almost like a premonition or a wave of God warning him of danger. He looked around and suddenly all thought from before escaped his mind.

A silver SUV was parked across the street. This unto itself was nothing alarming. The shock was seeing who was behind the wheel. Well in all actuality there was no one behind the wheel, but someone sitting in the driver’s seat, sideways as if they had been riding sidesaddle on a horse. She was a vision even from this distance.

Her dark skin accented her light blue shirt. The silky black of her hair was braided again this time in one escort ataşehir braid unlike the two she had worn the last time he saw her which made his blood boil with desire. Her glasses framed her dark eyes, which made it harder to admit she could not be his. For some unknown reason to even himself he had a fetish for girls with glasses. Yes, across the street was in fact the older object of his current desire. He had no idea how long he had gazed at her, but he did slowly acknowledge the fact that others were in the room with him.

“Sir, sir…” came the request from somewhere outside his current mindset.

“Yes, yes…” he stated with a start. “I am so sorry. Got lost in a train of thought there. What can I do for you?”

“She would like a box, and if we could get our check that would be great.” Requested the male customer still seated at his booth.

“Of course. Right away. Again I am truly sorry.” And with that he was of in a hurry to retrieve the requested items. It took a mere moment to get the box, write the slip and get the credit card. A few brief moments later the card had been swiped and he was waiting on the machine.

During this brief interlude his mind wondered again to his Persian beauty. He called her that for he had no idea her nationality but if he had to guess she was Native American or Mexican. However he had a deep affinity for the middle-eastern region of women and so called her Persia to settle those desires.

In his mind he hoped she would come in to eat. It was almost a desperate plea to the universe to compel her to want to come in for it would be a possible indication that he was on her mind as much as she was on his. Oh what a delight that would be, not to mention a much needed boost to his ego.

A different version of this played out in his mind where she would walk out of whatever store she was shopping in, see him in the window, and stop and wave. He would then walk across the street to say hello, but instead a thought would carry him on.

Deaths hand could grip anyone’s life at any moment. He had become re-aware of this concept with the sudden passing of a kitten he was bottle feeding and caring for. Fiona had only been in his life a brief time but the love he felt for her was still strong as he rooted for her to beat the odds. He wept at her passing hoping that she was burned on his heart forever.

With that thought in mind he dreamt of seeing her across the street, her waving to him and him coming to her. No words would be said on his part.

“Hey” she would start as he crossed the street towards her. “Shouldn’t you be back inside guarding the place?” she would joking say.

He would not even hesitate for a moment as he would just walk up to her, and hungrily take her lips. The kiss would be sudden so there would be no defense on her part. He wished to feel her passion drive forward and remove all doubt from her about their age difference. The fierceness of the kiss would soon sweep them both away and they would be lost in each other forgetting for that moment that they were in fact on the street in plain sight. She would fight for a moment then fall into it slightly parting her lips welcoming this brazen act. In his mind he hoped she would have wanted this as much as he did.

A beep from the machine brought him back to reality. Only a few seconds had passed between his moments lost in thought and soon the slip was torn, stapled to the receipt and the customer was gone. One quick glance out the window told him the rain had returned and his prize was getting back into her SUV. Soon the vehicle was in gear and moving away from him, not even a glance was given in his direction. This was just further confirmation that he was not on her mind then, and defiantly not as much as, if ever, the way she was on his.

*******************************

Stars illuminated his path as he walked on the wet concrete. Seeing as this was the only physical exercise he was medically cleared to do he took every advantage to do it. Music filled his ears from his iPod as his body walked along the dark town. His hair blew with the light breeze which created a weird effect for him. It had been almost 3 years since his last haircut and when wet it now reached the middle of his back. Now if he could just get his body to shed some belly fat and harder in the right places maybe his self-esteem would rise.

Some Bon Jovi love song entered his ears and for a brief moment the notion of hitting the next button flew across his mind. The bitterness he felt towards love and all such things truly worried him. He never had been this way, always doing things for those he loved to show him how much he truly cared for those he dated. Never could he feel so much for someone that he always wanted his girlfriends to think of how lucky they could be to have someone dote on them so.

It was not unusual for him so send flowers randomly to work. Or perhaps they would come home to a homemade treasure hunt for some silly treasure. Never was he lost for words of affection, kadıköy escort bayan or a momentary touch. He often was searching for some new way to say what he felt so that no words would ever be needed. Of course these acts were never really appreciated so his heart had become hardened.

Which brought his mind back to Persia. He felt odd about her. In some ways he felt stalker-ish though he didn’t stalk her. He wasn’t out searching for her. Nor did he go out of his way to cross paths with her. Sometimes she happened to come in while he was working, and sometimes they happened to just be at the same place. But it was never intentional for him.

The other odd thing was that he did not fantasize about her the way he had others. With her in mind it was usually what does her hair smell like? Was her skin soft on her hands? What would she feel like if he walked up behind her and held her with his hands on her belly button? What did she kiss like? Would she moan when kissed on the neck? What would it feel like to have her tell him she loved him?

Of course there were the usual fleeting things of the physical aspect that would cross his mind, but the y were not predominate. At times he wondered about her body, what her nipples were like, did she keep her hair underneath the pant line trimmed? Oh how he disliked the completely shaved looked and hoped she would not be.

Not that any of that mattered. She had made her stance on their relationship quite clear. He was too young for her, and that was final in her mind. Forget that they laughed a lot, and had tremendous conversations. Never mind their all too evident chemistry. Clear away the almost impossible to avoid flirtations that happened when they did see each other.

His mind flashed back to the first time he saw her. Her beauty was undeniable from the start. Almost instantly he was smitten with her. Of course he told himself that it was just lack of physical things in his life and it would pass. The second time she came in it felt that same pull and it was just as strong.

“It’s just a crush.” He justified. “It will pass in time.”

He remembered how flattered he had been when she offered to edit his book. A few weeks later they met and it felt like a date after the business was done. Her smile radiated the whole room, and so many times he felt so washed away by her that there was no one else in the room at all. The whole world had faded away to make room for just her.

Or the incident at the bar where they had ran into each other and he dared not approach her because of who she was with. Still he couldn’t help to think how amazing she looked wearing the bright colored top she was and how those shades of blue and pink really accented her dark completion and hair. Never forgotten was the vision of her butt as she walked away after a brief exchange by the two of them. He should never had looked for that just piled his desire even higher.

The heart dared not even consider how much time he had actually thought of her. Which of course led to the realization that he thought of her way more than she thought of him. This theory was proven by the amount of time in between visits to the restaurant. Also to add more proof was that the encounters away from work were brief and to the point, where the work conversations were lengthy and almost too much fun. That train of thought then lead to the question if he was always overstepping his boundaries with her at his work. He shook his head, some way somehow he had to get over whatever it was he felt for her. His fingers hit the next on the iPod, and soon Fozzy was covering his thoughts. His voice followed Chris Jerichos’ as the beats chased her from his mind yet again.

**********************************

He had done well up to this point. During the four hour drive he had company to keep his mind active. The chaos of trying to get the tickets purchased was enough to sate any others thoughts from his mind. Shopping and hunger forced away the images of couples and families walking around him, sort of like a buffer.

Sure there were momentary pangs of loneliness and required space. After all he had been drug here with his sister, her boyfriend and an ex-girlfriend of his from a while ago. Well kids of course but that felt like a given. That didn’t mean that the constant onslaught of cuddles and such from the couple didn’t weigh on him.

One can only take so many stolen moments of hand holds and kisses to make him yearn for his own. Then there was the other families walking around displaying their own love. The hard part of his heart frosted another layer of ice across it, while the center of it still yearned for someone of his own.

He quickly shook that feeling of trying to convince himself he needed no one. Too many times he had been burned to keep wanting to seek out someone else. Plus he had a small problem. No other girl compared to his fantasy. He had to admit he didn’t really know her, but he defiantly wanted to. Wonder filled his mind about her kiss and even what escort bostancı she was doing. The pointlessness of those thoughts came roaring back, sending him back to the present.

But now he was stuck again. Ahead of him in the rainforest exhibit was a small cave in which a couple had snuck off into. There was giggles and soft voices that betrayed them from secrecy. For a moment his thoughts forced him to stop. Would she allow herself to be pulled into such a situation to have a stolen kiss or two? Would she giggle about it? Or would the idea that so many strangers near-by scared away the excitement?

The car door shut a few hours later after a good dinner, and short shopping trip with family. They all agreed that ice cream was in order but not right away so I stop in a town two hours away was going to happen. This time he would not have a companion for the way home which suited him well.

Music radiated from the speakers as the car sped down the highway. The vibe was positive as he had had a good day with everyone. Sadly the view from Omaha to Des Moines doesn’t offer much. This lack of visual stimulation allowed the mind to wonder.

The great thing about fantasy women is they are just that fantasy. With just a thought and there they are. Suddenly she was with him in the passenger seat of the car. Her jet black hair lightly blowing in the current of the air conditioner. She would be wearing jeans and a bright shirt with a tired, but content, smile on her lips. His hand would seek hers out, and she would willing accept the light touch. Their fingers would intertwine except for his pinky which he would use to lightly stroke her leg through her jeans.

“Man alive you’re beautiful.” He would say to her while looking out the windshield. Her smile would widen and some color would come to her face. “What I wouldn’t give to kiss you.”

Her head would turn to look at him, her eyes framed by her glasses which would make his blood boil. He would glance over for a quick look at her and intake her beauty and lose his concentration back to the road. She would squeeze his hand, and turn back to the window.

He wondered if she played games of all sorts. Board games, video or just love games. In his mind he would glance over at her watching the view whisk by. He felt desire creep under his skin and longed to feel more of her. The hand would pull away from the others and it would find her last button on her shirt. A few quick movements and it was free. If she noticed she said nothing.

The next one proved to be a little harder as he struggled with it, but eventually it gave. He thought he heard a soft sound form her, but her face revealed nothing. He moved up a little higher to the next. When it gave he felt hot skin against his. There was no way she could not have felt that, and her expression would confirm that theory.

“Can I help you with something?” came the slightly playful remark.

“Possibly…”

“And what exactly are you searching for there mister?”

“Buried treasure” was his reply as his fingers moved up another button. This one was located right between her valley, a definite violation of personal space. A quick glance showed a hot pink bra clashing with her dark skin under the partially opened shirt. Lust filled his eyes and mind as the button gave way. The swell of her breast was his next target as he felt her heat radiating from her skin. She lightly touched his hand almost too playfully pull it away, but readjusted herself so the shirt remained partially open but pulled the open portion under his hand.

“If you are looking for buried treasure don’t you have to uncover it before you actually get the reward?”

“Very well.” With that he moved up to the next one while her gaze shifted back to the window. The button gave and a sigh escaped her as only one button remained. His assault was on that one within seconds of the other giving way. Soon her dark skin was revealed.

The bra under the shirt was conservative yet flirty. His mouth watered at the thought have having his mouth on her skin with the intention of making her squirm. His hand slid inside the neck of the now open shirt and felt her collar bone. He could feel her breath quicken with each stroke.

No longer satisfied with feeling that part of her he slid his hand towards the middle of her neck, and then slowly down ward allowing only one finger to actually touch her ever warming skin. The material of her bra came and slowly left his touch as his finger drifted over her silk like skin.

There was a light touch of her belly button before he turned his finger upside down and flicked the inside of her belly button like one would do to a clit. This motion was meet by a shift and closing of her eyes as a moan escaped. Satisfaction filled him as he knew she was enjoying herself.

His hand turned again so that his palm floated over her belly. Her natural instinct was to try and move it off of there for she was self-conscious even though he felt as though she had no real reason to be. But he didn’t want her being uncomfortable so he moved it slowly up her ribs and rubbed her bra line. His fingers played back and forth on the material slowly inching their way towards his target. This technique was intended to build excitement to the moment they both wanted.

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